A Long Road

A Long Road Ahead

I have so many things running through my mind that I'm not even sure where to start. I still struggle with losing weight. I spent almost a year with daily migraines--they started out of the blue and went away out of the blue. Still not sure what happened there, but I have a feeling it had something to do with the cortisone shots I was receiving in my back to help with the chronic pain I experienced there. With all of the pain over the past five years, I have not improved my eating habits--junk food became my go-to for helping me deal with the pain. I also have not been able to exercise like I want to. 

On December 30, 2019, I went in to have my L5-S1 fused once again (the first fusion from five years ago never completely fused). This surgery was more extensive with removing the metal cage that was not fused, placing a new device in that space, adding bone taken from my hip to help with bone growth, and replacing the screws in my back. I am almost 5 weeks post op from that surgery. I still can't lift anything over a gallon of milk, bend, or twist. It has taken a toll on me mentally. I struggle daily with my depression; I find that days I have an appointment and get out of the house or have company my mood improves drastically. 

So, as I face the long road ahead of me, I am determined to make this surgery a success. I have to lose weight. I want to be able to hike again, to play with Meredith with no problems, to be happy and enjoy my life once more. Being healthy has become very important to me. I found this quote and have it hanging in the bathroom on our mirror:

This is important, so I will find a way. It will require me to change my attitude towards the help Richard tries to give me. It will require to give up some of my "comfort" foods or figure out a new way of fixing them. It will require patience and dedication. I have to make this promise to myself and realize that I AM WORTH IT! So, no matter how long the road is, I am determined to travel it. I need to stop finding excuses and find a way to correct all that has gone wrong over the past 10 years. 

50 is Being Fabulous

As I approach 50, I am reminded of how young that truly is and how fragile life is becoming (and has always been). Classmates are losing parents more frequently, and this puts my parents' mortality more forefront of my mind. And it puts my own mortality in perspective. One goal I have for myself is to be drinking more water than other types of drinks (I've already cut a lot of soda and frufru coffe out--they have become more of a treat than a necessity.) and eating healthier. I am in the process of cleaning out our pantry, pitching expired food and giving away high carb food to friends that have kids who like those foods. I also have a goal of meal prepping so I avoid ordering out or eating lunch at work. (School lunches are still very high in carbs. The only change I saw when Michelle Obama required schools to serve healthy meals was everything is baked and kids get less food.) 

By the time I end 2020, which will put me half-way through being 50, my goal is to be on track to my goal weight. I will be exercising regularly, eating healthier, and enjoying my life like I used to. And by reaching these goals I know that it will have a positive impact on my relationship with Richard. We will be able to do more things together, like hiking and enjoying the outdoors more. 

So, here's to 2020--the Roaring 20's. The year I turn 50, the year I turn my life around.